No, really. Nothing happened.
I always considered the possibility that I would write a book. It could happen, I thought. If some compelling event transpired, such as a survived catastrophe, a fantastic metamorphosis, or even a tragedy – yes, especially a tragedy. Because that’s what people want to read about – a meaningful experience that concludes with a significant result. Emotional, transcendent.
Most would consider their own existence, both inaccurately and accurately, as mundane. Of course “Lord of the Rings” is so popular – nothing like that is EVER going to happen to me. Right? Maybe it could?! Well, in the mean time, I’ll sublimate experience and growth through another protagonist. Besides, I have things to do in the morning. If we start the movie now, I can still get 8 hours of sleep. That will certainly help with all the things I need to do tomorrow.
What’s that? You wrote a story about a guy that lives a life of “relative” insignificance? No tragedy? No winning the gold, preventing mass destruction, no saving the world? Sounds like one of those shoe-gazing “Slacker” films. Sounds boring. Those always have a limited life span.
Let’s take a tangent first.
That’s the key word for me. It’s the oasis, the cloud, and the handcuffs. I want to BE significant. I want to leave something meaningful. Do something meaningful. Be remembered. Respected. Revered.
And it’s ALL external.
Even as I write these words. A blog of absolution. Fundamental, egoic absolution. This tiny, auto-transformative blog, one among billions of other voices, I fantasize of being found. Recognized. A simple typing meditation that I perceive and judge as heroic and pathetic, suddenly feels so foreign-
No responsibility to be Significant.
Hmmm… 60 seconds of freedom and it’s starting to feel empty. As if there’s no purpose, no goal, no reason – REASON! A ha! Just as I typed that dreadfully heady word, and it snapped! What’s a reason!? Blah! Where’s does that motivation coming from?! Whose reason?
All right, I think we’re getting somewhere. Let’s differentiate.
When I think of significance as an external motivator, the vision becomes cloudy. When I embody significance as an internal signifier, I become aligned. It doesn’t even matter what I “do” at that point. If I’m connected, I’m clear. The Latin word significantia is defined as “meaning, force, energy”. Working from that momentousness feels much cleaner to me.
Ok, what’s the story look like now?